Contemplation. Contemplation. Contemplation.

The term contemplation seems to have become a far too familiar state of consciousness that has engulfed the entirety of my life; whether to do this or that, say this or that, without coming to any sort of reasonable conclusion, has turned into an unremitting struggle for me. The notion of “making a decision” has always overwhelmed me. Perhaps this anxiety is due to the fact that I have this amazing ability to believe the fate of my life rests on the most minuscule decisions, and if I don’t make the right decision everything will collapse and be utterly detrimental to myself and the rest humankind.

This idea of contemplation reminded me of a poem by Henry King called "A Contemplation upon Flowers." The poem exudes a sense of awareness, a sense of being entirely present within the confines of reality and knowing that life will come to an end; it is a futile illusion to always seek some sort of imaginative future that appears to be inconceivable, unpredictable and, generally, unachievable. The flowers King speaks to are content with living in the earth, the soil in which we as humans dread to join. We all have this common imagination that tends to become overwhelmed with despair regarding “the end” so we inevitably overanalyze the present, and past for that matter; we feel as if we must become something beyond ourselves in order to feel satisfied and content. Perhaps I am fearful of this feeling of being unfulfilled, rather, the fear that others will perceive my life as being unfulfilled. It seems I am more concerned with other’s perception of my life so I am constantly contemplating my current state of being in order to appear to be “the best Jenna I can be”… how terrible eh?!

I am somewhat alright with my life at the moment, it has been worse, however I want more but not for myself but for others? Is that strange? Selfish? Selfless? All of these terms seem to fit my issues as a matter of fact, but not justify them. I don’t have any sort of epiphany to conclude with so I will just end with Henry King’s poem and hope it inspires all of us to embrace a moment in time that comes and goes like the whispers of a spring wind.

A Contemplation upon Flowers
By Henry King

BRAVE flowers--that I could gallant it like you,
And be as little vain!
You come abroad, and make a harmless show,
And to your beds of earth again.
You are not proud: you know your birth:
For your embroider'd garments are from earth.

You do obey your months and times, but I
Would have it ever Spring:
My fate would know no Winter, never die,
Nor think of such a thing.
O that I could my bed of earth but view
And smile, and look as cheerfully as you!

O teach me to see Death and not to fear,
But rather to take truce!
How often have I seen you at a bier,
And there look fresh and spruce!
You fragrant flowers! then teach me, that my breath
Like yours may sweeten and perfume my death.

The Joy of Baking: Raspberry Jam!

Easy Homemade Raspberry Jam

Ingredients

- 6 cups (1.5 L) crushed hulled raspberry, (12 cups/3 L whole)
**Note: You can substitute the 6 cups of raspberries for any other type of fruit. When I make apriocot jam I used dried apricots and dice them into small chunks and let them soak in water overnight to reconstitute. Then follow the same procedure!
- 1 pkg light fruit pectin crystals
- 4-1/2 cups (1.125 L) granulated sugar

Preparation:

1. Pour raspberries into large Dutch oven.
2. Combine pectin crystals with 1/4 cup (50 mL) of the sugar; stir into pan.
3. Bring to full boil over high heat, stirring constantly. Stir in remaining sugar; return to full boil.
4. Boil hard for 1 minute, stirring constantly.
5. Remove from heat. Stir for 5 minutes to prevent fruit from floating, skimming off foam.
6. Pour into your sterilized canning jars (follow the directions on the canning jar kit that you buy for proper sterilization and preparation- it is a fool proof method so don't stress about it!) leaving about 1/4 ‘’ headspace.
7. Let cool completely and this jam can be kept for up to 1 year.

The Suffering of the Poet

“A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music… and then people crowd about the poet and say to him: “Sing for us soon again;” that is as much as to say, “May new sufferings torment your soul.” – Soren Kierkegaard

Poetry is written when the strength of the heart and soul gives out; it is a truth that is revealed through one’s suffering and our pain and wonder becomes to overwhelming to bear. The poem mirrors one’s state of uncertainty and confusion within this absurd world that we cannot comprehend nor trust. So must all poets suffer? Must we all subvert into an utter state of depression and misery where our poems are only unearthed through our constant state of unhappiness and insecurity about this business of living? I have been battling with this notion for year: Was I destined to these inevitably harsh circumstances that so many poets and writers seem to exude, and live, through his or her work?

My attempts to improve in my social graces have always failed me; it seems as if I was never meant to congregate with other people as I am extremely awkward and always seem to become quickly irritated. This is not to say that I do not wish to be a social person. In fact, I often long for that companionship, whether trivial or not, where I would have to deal with petty fights and deal with the stress of maintaining friendships. However, apart of me always seems to dismiss this idea of friendship; it is as if companionship is a foreign relation for me that doesn’t want to squeeze its way into my life. Is this selfish and depressive or is it proof that I am a true poet who will forever be condemned to a torturous life of isolation and philosophical contemplation where my soul is forever confined within the depths of my being? Is it is this area where my poetry lives whether it be joyous or not? Perhaps… actually, I believe it all dwells in that secret place that even I am unaware of. I am indecisive as to whether I am ok with suffering for my poetry- it is difficult to feel as if you are utterly mad the majority of the time- but I am prepared to allow the pen to take me where I need to be in that moment; I welcome the suffering if it means coming to an inner truth where my words finally lose their purpose.

The Joy of Baking!

When I made my first homemade jam (strawberry and apricot) I was filled with a nostalgic feeling of old age- if that is possible- and had to share this recipe that I made shortly after in order to use up the massive amounts of jam I had on hand! Totally easy recipe!

Strawberry Jam Oatmeal Squares

Bottom layer (tart dough):
- 6 tablespoons cold butter
- 6 tablespoons of vegetable shortening
- 1 tablespoon sugar
- Pinch of salt
- 2 cups of flour
- 6-8 tablespoons of ice cold water

Center layer:
- 1 ½ cups of any type of jam of your choice

Crumble Layer:
- 1 ½ cups rolled oats
- 1 ½ cups flour
- ¼ teaspoon salt
- ¾ teaspoon baking soda
- 1 cup of packed brown sugar
- ¾ cup butter, softened

1. Make the tart dough first; cut the butter and vegetable shortening into the dry mixture of sugar, salt and flour.
2. Incorporate together until the butter/shortening is broken into pea-size pieces
3. Slowly add cold water to the dough until it forms together into a ball.
4. Refrigerate dough for at least 1 hour (you will only a little more than half of the dough for a 9x9 pan but the rest can be kept frozen for months)
5. Make crumble layer in the meantime: combine all ingredients into a mixing bowl and incorporate until it creates a light crumble (add more rolled oats/flour if you feel the crumble becomes too sticky) 6. Remove cold dough from refrigerator and roll out into a rectangle to fit your 9x9 pan and poke holes into the dough before putting in oven (a pan that has been buttered and floured!) 7. Add the jam of your choice on top of this dough and top with your crumble
8. Bake at 350 degrees for about 25-30 minutes or until the top is slightly golden brown
9. Let cool in fridge COMPLETELY before cutting into the tart; serving it at room temperature will leave it slightly gooey and oozy.

A Poem: The Oak Tree

The Oak Tree
By Jenna Reimer

It was when a wave of sand cloaking the sky,
And its blackness became apparent, that I knew
Death was lurking within the matted clouds.
Crouching amongst the night-wind,
In the noisy leaves that were shouting at me,
Louder and louder,
An oak tree stood- motionless.
The clouds rose upward like a heavy smoke,
Changing from a musk to cemented air,
Where leaves burst into a flame of infatuation-
I cannot breath.
If ever this storm of tranquil belief should end
I would stop; my past emerging from my future
And die together as one
Like the Oak tree’s grounding roots.

Happy Saturday Baking!

One of my favorite childhood treats was zucchini loaf; and yes, it was delicious before and after I found out that there was some sort of vegetable in it. This recipe came from my Grandma but I made some subtle alterations to make it a bit heartier and rich!

Chocolate Chip Zucchini Loaf
(Recipe makes 2 loaves)

1 cup brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
1 cup oil
3 cups grated zucchini
3 eggs
1 tsp salt, baking powder, baking soda, nutmeg and all spice
1 tbsp cinnamon
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 cup shredded coconut
2-3 cups of flour
1 cup of milk chocolate chips

1. Cream sugar and oil
2. Add the 3 eggs individually including the vanilla extract
3. Fold in grated zucchini
4. Combine dry ingredients into a separate bowl and slowly incorporate it into the wet ingredient mixture
5. Add coconut and chocolate chips
6. Bake at 350 for 45-55 minutes in a loaf pan or until a toothpick comes out clean from the loaf

The Joy of Baking!

So another passion of mine has always been baking! I try to bake something every week (when my budget allows it) and experiment with different sweets – mostly different types of cookies – and confections. I decided I’m going to start posting my recipes and pictures of my baking just for fun! Enjoy!

Jenna’s “Nuttier Than Thou” Peanut Butter Oatmeal Chocolate Chunk Cookies
(It’s a lot of ingredients but totally fool proof recipe!)
• 1 cup of unsalted butter
• 1 cup of peanut butter
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1.5 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg and cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon baking soda and baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• 1 ½ - 2 cups flour (depending on how chewy you want them)
• 1 cup quick oats
• ½ cup chopped peanuts
• ½ cup coconut
• 2 bars of milk chocolate with nuts (you know those variety of Hershey chocolate bars you can buy at the gas station and stuff)

Directions:
1. Cream butter, peanut butter and sugar together until light in color
2. Mix in the two eggs individually into mixture
3. Add vanilla
4. Combine baking soda/powder, salt, flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, oats and coconut into a separate bowl and gradually add this dry ingredient mix into the wet ingredient mix
** Note: Add more flour if the mixture is too sticky (you should be able to touch it with your finger tip and not have the mixture stick to your figure)
5. Chop the 2 chocolate bars into chunks and add into mixture along with the chopped peanuts
6. Shape into large, rough looking balls and bake at 350 degrees for about 7-9 minutes
** Note: Do not wait until the edges of the cookies are light brown that means they are over cooked; take them out when they look as if they could use another 1-2 minutes- this means they are perfect!