In Laughter

While the two men were laughing violently
I realized I am becoming apart of them,
apart of their laughter,
with every inhale and short gasps.
Their breath disappears into dark caverns,
smoke incrusted throats,
bruised lungs and forsaken hearts;
our breath allied into this band of essence.

We were together within a world of thought.
Thoughts of existing,
beings afraid of existing.
But I must ascend from this nothingness
to which we all aspire to.
The loathing, the repulsion of being-
there are so many ways to thrust myself
into this odd existence.

Such drifts are born within me often.
The faintness of such absurd reassurance
to which I always yield to
locks me into such a trance that I can no longer bear;
it fills me completely and renewing my survival.
I center my attention with careful delicacy
to become this very end.

In the likeness of a City

White blooded drapes lace the death of trees.
Shards of bladed glass perfect figures
as delicate as the color of a doll.
A canvassed willow;
its strength withered by the heavy stole
of diamond water
as weak as the man who carved them.
Glistened reflections of traveled snow
burdens the bleak faces
hidden by cloth of wind,
speaking only in moans of anguish
with the breath of our own.
Iron curtains bound this town of slaved dogs;
savages of vulnerability and greed,
tired beyond their bitter ends
and so awfully cold.
Warmth from my hands barely manifests this conceit.
Fated prints pressed against a frosted pane
leave behind a sweated window
that disappears into a frozen dream
by way of my own breath;
as my papered words are forever doomed.

Tell Me What it is to Be Free?

Tell me what it is to be free
How can you appreciate your freedom
Without accepting that your life is constituted by something;
Known or unknown,
And that this is impervious to the hand of man?

Tell me what it is to be free?
As you sit close eyed within your white walls
Wearing only your eyes you keep in a box
By your bedside.
Your reverie only ever preached to you
By men in black suites with green eyes
And stone hands.
Have you lost all but your illusive hope
And fabricated avowal?
I pity your obtuse soul and lack there of.

Tell me what it is to be free?
Your words are laced with denial.
Fire is burning from my finger tips
While I listen to your false dreams.
No one is free!
No one is free from a obstinate seize
That forms a life.

Tell me what it is to be free?
You walk with such direction and purpose
Towards a reflection,
Cast from the houses on the hill.
Wash your linens and cloth your children
For you need not worry.
A life of freedom is far from your grasp.
I am unable to deny my part in a society of fear
But I do not condone it.
I soon will be ready.
And when you dream of walking a red desert
With your arrow and bow,
Reciting the words from your book of bridges,
Then you may tell me what it is to be free.

A lecture about YOU!!!

We are all huge question marks. Victims primarily of ourselves, which actually makes victim status just plain awkward!?! See, all of us have theories about the world and about ourselves. We go to encredible lengths to convince ourselves that our ways and beliefs are infact equitable because it keeps the world in our heads a little less confusing.

Which leads to us training ourselves to naturally do the wrong thing on a subconcious level. mmmmkay. Generally, most of our personalitiy traits, disorders, warped views, are easily justified, diagnosised & can lead back to something that happened early on in your life.... whether it was an event that was tramatic, an imprinted memory of a certain being who distorted ur view on the world. Think hard, really hard...

My point: we are capable of teaching ourselves beliefs that is wrong,of course there is some influence in the outside world, but it all leads back to what we WANT to believe and CHOOSE to believe. The phrase "Self-fulfilling presage" comes to my mind.

Are you trying to treat your problem as a cause, a thing that screwed up your life and altered your behaviours and mind frame, or as an effect??

true story....

Single Cup Coffee Machines

This world would be a far better place if people would listen more. I mean truly listen. I encounter far too many people who are always just waiting for their chance to speak. An extremely large percentage of our society is made up of people who would way rather listen to the sound of their own voice than that of others. The majority of my “public interaction” is spent making small talk with people who have little to no interest in anything that I, or anyone else for that matter, has to say. They nod their head, arms crossed, maybe a hand stroking their chin, saying “ah yes,” “that’s interesting,” “well good for you” and you smile back as if you did not just observe the most pitiful attempt at communal politeness.

I watch people intermingle and have great fun pointing out the exact moment when the other person has lost complete interest and is just waiting to start talking about themselves in their petty conversation. When you don’t talk much, like I do, you tend to become more aware of peoples awkward social faux pas and their feeble attempt to conceal it from people like me. :PSee, our civilization seems to be made up of two things: consumption and fear. These two particular qualities would be utterly useless if it weren’t for our civilization being full of people wanting to take up your time with their words and opinions right?

Television is telling you that the meat you are eating could be contaminated, that a tsunami is going to hit your town tomorrow, that carrying purple handbags has been linked to cancer! Such fears are followed by ads saying buy this deodorant it will help you get the girl, Take these pills it will make you have your dream body, buy this tooth whitener and then you’ll fit it! It becomes this disgusting cycle of freaking out; buy something, change happens; buy something, panic attacks; buy something, depression; buy something. So it’s in fact not our fault that we have problems listening to one another, we are so bombarded with massive spews of shit that it becomes utterly impossible to fit any more information in our heads, especially if it is not that of the television. It’s actually difficult to talk of anything but ourselves, it is what we are fed on a daily basis, it’s all we are really sure of! What’s wrong with YOU, how to make YOU better, what could happen to YOU tomorrow, how do YOU affect it all. Selfish unselfish employment under “The Man” comes to mind.

I guess there is just not enough room anymore, not enough time to care. It’s almost as if we each have been pushed to live on our own little planet and anyone from anywhere else is generally discarded as extra baggage. Planet Jenna, I do this, I don’t do this, I like this stuff, I hate that, I talk to these people and not those people and eat this but not that and that’s it. It’s like they want everyone to be isolated and become extremely selfish because this sudden remoteness forces us to take advice on how to better our lives from the one who is most accessible; television.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know exactly, probably just another added ingredient to my cynical recipe on how the world works and why it is such a horrid place to inhabit. The moral of this story? I don’t know, I guess just listen to one another, not just hear them, really listen to them. You’ll be shocked about how much more you’ll learn from people rather than the empty tube that calls you its bitch.